Facing My Demons

I’m very random right now. There’s too much swirling around in my head to really put a conscious effort into trying to produce anything coherent. This happens often after a writing funk (this one stretched into two weeks!! Not good!!) I am happy to note that I am feeling like myself again, so next week, I should be back on track.

Here’s something that’s been on my mind for a few days.

We women are far too harsh with each other. We are far too harsh on ourselves. We can be harsh on our husbands and families too. I wonder why we are so harsh. Perhaps it is because we take on the pain of the world? I like to say that I am not a judgmental person, but it’s recently been revealed to me that I am not immune to it either. And, honestly? It was over something silly (isn’t it always over something silly?). It wasn’t obvious but it was a judgment just the same.

Now you are wondering what it was, eh?

Okay, I’ll confess. Most of you know I’m a writer. I use a lot of prompts to help further some of my stories along (okay, most of my writing is done to prompts). I’ve recently started participating in a new group. Every week, a new prompt is offered, and they also share their “nominees” for the best stories based on the prompt. It is not a competition or a contest. It is one person (or maybe a group, since I think there is more than one person behind the group) choosing the stories they liked the best. That’s it. I happened to notice that one person seems to get nominated every week. This person is in fact a very talented writer, but at first it didn’t matter to me. I let jealousy cloud my thinking and my first immediate thought was “They play favorites.” It’s not true, but boom! There it was.

And the funny thing is? I’ve never thought of “judgmental” in that context before. It totally was though. And it was uncalled for. Who am I to tell someone else that they can’t nominate the same person every week, especially if it’s deserved? Of course I didn’t, but the whole idea is appalling to me.

It really made me see how judgmental we really are as we go about our days. We have an opinion about everything and sometimes, even though we would never say them out loud, those opinions color us. As a result, we miss out.

Just think, if I had let my judgmental thoughts about this group showing favoritism win out, not only would I be missing out on some great prompts every week, but I would be missing out on potential new readers and followers too. All because I was being petty.

I’m not calling anyone out. I’m just sharing some reflection that I have on the matter. And it makes me wonder how many friendships I could have had if I’d not let judgment have the upper hand.

Maybe if I learned to be less harsh with myself, I would be less harsh on everyone else.

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12 thoughts on “Facing My Demons

  1. they feel like competitions to me and take a lot of my energy. i’ll take responsibility for that, for my own reactions. but also, i do think it’s disingenuous to say “it’s not a competition” and then choose or rank every week. like, that IS a competition. i’ve been thinking about this a lot too, glad to see i’m not the only one. thank you for sharing!

  2. Bravo to you for being honest with yourself and admitting this, Stephanie. It truly takes a huge heart to be able to do so.

    And you’re right. This is something that I notice too, and I guess now that I’m an adult, I understand better what my mother meant. She used to say that women often sabotaged themselves because they’re so competitive one towards the other, whereas men, they’re good at camaraderie. That’s why there are more male leaders and decision makers. Not because they’re more capable than females, but because in order to get to where they are, they’re good at supporting each other.

  3. I know I’m pretty hard on myself. More than I need to be at times. And you’re right, that does transfer over to other people.
    I think what really counts, is being aware of it. That, to me, is half the battle.
    Glad you posted this today. I think it was God’s way of sending me a reminder. 🙂

  4. yep…just had this conversation with someone else. when we’re hard on ourselves that manisfests into being harsh with others. we project our crap.

    I dig self awareness. You’re a good person. I’m not surprised you have it,

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