PYHO: One of Those Days

I sit here, feeling the tears welling up in my eyes. They hover there on the tips of my eyelids, not quite spilling over. I’m supposed to be writing. I have a story idea in my head, can even see it playing out in my head. It’s ripe and ready for me to begin.

But I can’t. I’m overwhelmed with sorrow. A sorrow that makes me ache for pain so it would heal. Feeling pain is better than feeling nothing at all. My husband is gone overnight for another trip, the second in less than 24 hours. Even when he returned from his Sunday trip, he worked when he returned, not even coming in until the wee hours of Tuesday morning. Here it is the wee hours of Wednesday morning, and he is gone again, on another long distance trip that will keep him away from home overnight again.

He’s letting work take over his life again, not taking his meds like he should. Enlarged prostate, hypothyroidism, Prozac for depression, Vitamin D, and a few more. I hate when he gets like this. I know he’s working hard because he loves us and is trying to provide for us, but I got married because I wanted a partner. I did the single mom thing long enough.

I’m tired too. I overslept Tuesday (and he let me), wasting the entire morning sleeping. I felt better when I got up, except for the guilt. There were things I needed to do that didn’t get done, and we will feel the cost of that within the next week or so. Because we always do.

I want my husband home. I want to eat dinner as a family, all four of us, together. It’s been so long since we ate together. I want to curl up with him on the couch and watch a movie. I can’t even begin to tell you how long it’s been since we did that.

I miss him, so much. Can I please have my husband back?

~*~*~*~

Okay, so now he is back, and instead of giving me a break or helping me do anything around the house, he’s in bed.

And he didn’t even notice I dyed my hair.

*Sigh. It’s gonna be one of those days.

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21 thoughts on “PYHO: One of Those Days

  1. Oh dear friend, my heart goes out to you, I really do. Consider this a warm big hug from me to you, ok? I’m far too familiar with such loneliness, and yes it really sucks.

    On days such as this, what I usually did was to just go with the flow as much as I could. I do hope that things would get better soon, and you and your husband would be able to work out a better schedule where there’d be more time for you two.

    Until then, know that you’re in my thoughts, sweet mama!

  2. I ache for you, and understand how it feels. i hope you get to reconnect soon,and Im so glad you poured your heart out about it. Im glad to be able to pray specifically,and to be thinking of you. *Hug*

  3. My husband is a fire fighter and is gone from the home a lot, too. A few years ago when I was expecting our 9th baby and he got called away on a brushfire and was gone for 15 days. My due date was that month, and I was HUGE and tending to 8 other children in the middle of a very hot summer and it was just NOT a good time for him to be gone so long! On most days I felt like crying, and I often felt like calling him up and yelling at him for leaving me in this condition with a bunch of kids. But I had to remind myself that he wasn’t out partying with the guys, he wasn’t in Vegas gambling it up, he wasn’t out dirtbike riding or anything fun like that — he was away from his family, risking his life with fire, earning our money. But still, even knowing that, I was a cranky mess during those 15 days. But I made it through that crazy time, and now 3 years later I can look back and smile and know that I DID it. And I’m quite sure it made me a stronger person. Sometimes I think of those women who crossed the plains on foot during the wagon trail days, and some of them were 9 months pregnant, I’m sure, but couldn’t even ride in the wagon because that was reserved for small children and the elderly. And here I sit in these modern days complaining? What would my foremothers think of me? LOL

    And for what it’s worth, my husband never notices when I do something different to my hair. I can’t for the life of me understand how he can not tell when I change the color or cut 6 inches off – but he doesn’t! And sometimes it can get me so angry. But it must be a guy-thing because most of my married girl friends complain about the same thing.

  4. I know exactly how you guys are feeling about the over working…It’s like a rock and a hard place…Sometimes I feel guilty about bitching. And other times I feel like it’s deserved. The worst is watching them leave early in the morning as I sleep in my warm bed…enjoying the fruits of their labor. And yet, all it takes is a minute to acknowledge change right? Change of color, change of perfume, change of mind…
    I’ll like your hair color mama!

  5. Big hugs going your way! I’m lucky in that my husband works from home- but he also works for himself which means that he’s often working very long hours that it’s often like he is not here at all. Still when we need him he is here so I can’t imagine how it would feel to be completely on my own.

  6. I know how you feel. My husband works long hours and i feel like a single mom most days. On the days he has off, he is catching up on house repairs or yeard work. I miss him.

  7. I’m sorry…. it’s rough but there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Things will turn around and you’ll soon be enjoying that movie on the couch with your husband.

    • hahha, maybe, just maybe if President Obama follows through with his State of the Union ideas, particularly the higher tax for the millionaires, well, maybe I’ll get a movie on the couch with him.

      He’s a workaholic, that’s all. I knew it when I married him, but sometimes its harder than others.

  8. Today focus on YOU. Right this minute there is so much beyond your control, but not out of HIS control. Allow HIM to take your burden and you take care of you. Find a blank piece of paper and physically write/draw every emotion that is coursing through you. Be as descriptive as possible. Get it out!!

    Next: Do something for the husband. Made him a coupon book. A list of 52 things you love. A Rx bottle filled with tiny notes of love. Reconnect with your love partner through your words.

    Finally: I am here if you need me. I am listening and loving you!

  9. Hugs momma. Going through the same w mr man. He’s working two jobs. When he is home he’s asleep. Albeit on the couch asleep

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