I sit here, feeling the tears welling up in my eyes. They hover there on the tips of my eyelids, not quite spilling over. I’m supposed to be writing. I have a story idea in my head, can even see it playing out in my head. It’s ripe and ready for me to begin.
But I can’t. I’m overwhelmed with sorrow. A sorrow that makes me ache for pain so it would heal. Feeling pain is better than feeling nothing at all. My husband is gone overnight for another trip, the second in less than 24 hours. Even when he returned from his Sunday trip, he worked when he returned, not even coming in until the wee hours of Tuesday morning. Here it is the wee hours of Wednesday morning, and he is gone again, on another long distance trip that will keep him away from home overnight again.
He’s letting work take over his life again, not taking his meds like he should. Enlarged prostate, hypothyroidism, Prozac for depression, Vitamin D, and a few more. I hate when he gets like this. I know he’s working hard because he loves us and is trying to provide for us, but I got married because I wanted a partner. I did the single mom thing long enough.
I’m tired too. I overslept Tuesday (and he let me), wasting the entire morning sleeping. I felt better when I got up, except for the guilt. There were things I needed to do that didn’t get done, and we will feel the cost of that within the next week or so. Because we always do.
I want my husband home. I want to eat dinner as a family, all four of us, together. It’s been so long since we ate together. I want to curl up with him on the couch and watch a movie. I can’t even begin to tell you how long it’s been since we did that.
I miss him, so much. Can I please have my husband back?
Okay, so now he is back, and instead of giving me a break or helping me do anything around the house, he’s in bed.
And he didn’t even notice I dyed my hair.
*Sigh. It’s gonna be one of those days.