Speechless

I was not going to post today but an event has happened that has struck me speechless and I have to shout from the mountaintop.

I try not to be overly religious on my blog, not because I am ashamed to be a Christian but mostly because well…to be honest, I haven’t exactly lived the life of a Christian for a very long time. I don’t want to be a phony, a fake.

Something is happening though and I just can’t keep it in anymore.

We are almost to the day that has been reserved in celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ.

This means a lot to me, especially this year as I am learning to let go of the steering wheel and let Him drive.

It’s hard. I’m far from perfect and I have a long way to go. A very long way to go.

I don’t even know how to start the journey, so I’m just trying to let go.

I gave all my worries to God. When GC had the cancer scare, He found me. He lifted me up and carried me, and I felt it.

I felt His comfort, His love. The feeling of relief and peace is so overwhelming.

We are struggling financially. By the time we get the bills paid, there is hardly anything left over for anything else.

I have dealt with the overwhelming possibility that the small Christmas we planned, even so far as to open a layaway and make payments on it, would become even smaller. My heart hurt that the things I was really excited to give my children, they might not get. I knew we would be okay, and its all material, but it still hurt.

GC is working as hard as he can to provide. There is nothing more I can ask of him. I gave it all to God.

I let it go.

I’m going to admit that finally letting that so very heavy backpack roll off my shoulders feels so good.

I am overwhelmed with emotion right now. We are already being blessed so much in just so many small ways that to think there is more is…unfathomable.

Today, a neighbor stopped by. She happens to work at the store where we have our layaway. We whittled it down as much as we could, but the total still owed was a still out of our reach, and its 5 days to Christmas.

I’m settled into the fact that it just might not happen (again) and we will end up canceling the layaway and using the money we’ve paid to get a few more things for under the tree. It’s only one year, right?

My neighbor told me that the most amazing thing happened at work yesterday. Someone came in to pay off their layaway and they only owed $.01. That’s right. A penny.

A secret Santa had come in and paid several layaways almost in full. She said I should call and check my balance.

I did. And they checked the total 4 times.

Thanks to a secret Santa who paid all but the last $20 on my layaway, my kids will have the small Christmas we planned for them.

God is good. We are so blessed. And to all Secret Santas out there doing something wonderful for others, God bless you too. I hope you know how much joy and love you are spreading.

My tears fall in gratitude. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

 

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6 thoughts on “Speechless

  1. That is AMAZING. Wow.

    I’m a Christian as well but hadn’t been to church in years… I just started going to church again last month and I realized how much I’ve missed it.

    A very Merry Christmas to you, friend đŸ™‚

  2. Oh Steph, I want to shout it with you….YEA. What a beautiful way to celebrate this holiday season than to see HIS LOVE at work in the small things, in the small ways that mean so much.

    MERRY CHRISTMAS my beautiful friend. xoxo

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