Guest Blog: Not My Kid–CRAP!

Mommylebron’s here. She’s been busy as a squirrel stocking up for the winter, so she is sharing her #1 all time favorite post from Rage Against the Washing Machine with you today. Enjoy!!!

During the school year I teach preschool. I am a certified preschool teacher (You didn’t know that did you?) People have to trust me with their children. That’s a good feeling, most of the time. There are some children who are, well, challenging. I say this without malice because Lebella is also “challenging”. Please don’t tell her I said that!

There have been tons a few times that I thought, “Thank goodness and all that is shiny that you are not my child.” For example:

Once, during pick up time, a small group of 3 year olds were sitting quietly in a corner. The fact that they were so quiet should have served as a warning to myself and the other three adults in the room. An ear spitting scream brought us all rushing to the group where a little boy explained to us, between sobs, that he had stood up and taken out his ‘winky’ because “Mya never sawed one.” The little girl next to him apparently leaned over and *cough* bit it. (I knew the exact moment the director told the little girl’s mom because I heard her shriek, “My daughter had a penis in her mouth?!”) Thank goodness and all that is shiny that you are not my children!

Not that it matters, because again, I have LeBella:

One day I was headed back to my class after my not nearly long enough super refreshing lunch break. LeBella’s classroom was on my way, so of course, I stopped to sneak a peek to see what my little hellion darling was up to. I noticed right away a commotion over by the art sinks. It appeared someone had plugged both sinks causing them to overflow onto the counter tops and down to the floor. The children were all in an uproar and the teacher was flitting around in an attempt to restore order. Also, this someone was running and sliding (think ‘slip-n-slide’) across the counters! Who does that?? What kind of parent raises a child like that? Then the evil fun lovin’ child hops up and *gasp* NO!! MY CHILD! FOR THE LOVE OF THAT IS GOOD AND SHINY IT WAS MY CHILD!

So, I did what any dedicated mother would do. I kept walking to my classroom.

My mom tip for the week? If your kid is doing something so unbelievably embarrassing in public, pretend not to notice. Better yet, pretend it’s not your kid!

Shoot the Poop with the Drama Mama!

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