>BSOW: I’ll Meet Your Asparagus & Raise You a Turnip Green

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Put on your dancing shoes and hit the ballroom floor for today’s Best Scoop of the Week. Whether she is dealing with camera face,  struggling with her mirror image, or debating coffee, she manages to do it with humor.

She blogs about her selfless acts of love, gives motherhood words of wisdom, writes letters to celebrities, does the movies in full mommy style, and deals with the potty mouth only known by mothers of boys.

Who is this eclectic blogger you ask? She who can spit out poems that rhyme in a single leaping post? Why, it’s none other than Jen, who does The Mommy Mambo and scores a perfect 10 every time.

I asked Jen: “If you were a vegetable, which would you be and why?”
If I were a vegetable…
     
Well first off, I like to think of myself as more of a dessert: something to look forward to, treasure and
savor. Like a meticulously stacked parfait or a delicately molded truffle.
Now you can quit laughing and I’ll quit living in that fantasy world where I sit upon a pedestal and grant pleasant wants and wishes to all my loyal subjects. As of this Friday I believe I must give up all delusions of that throne. Come Monday bachelorettes and daydreaming house wives the world over will weep.
So back to the produce isle…
I would love to tell you I’m most like the Asparagus, long and sleek with a perfectly arranged head of leaves like a perfect hair style of curls. A vegetable respected by all and often paired with the choicest entrees and arranged with great care upon fine china.
But I suppose I better resemble a Turnip; round in the middle with lovely purple striations around the center, a bushy chaos of sorts on top, and dwelling in the rough and rowdy dirt of life with my 4 men. You know that vegetable cooked with too much bacon fat and often served along-side ordinary sides like peas and cornbread and all too often served on a Dixie plate. A vegetable often misunderstood and pushed away by children, but good for the heart and soul none-the-less.
Yup. Thats me. A Turnip Green parading around pretending to be an asparagus. 
But now that I’ve though about it I realize, as a Southern woman, Turnip Greens make it to more happy family tables than do asparagus. Tables surrounded by large families and friends laughing, sharing, celebrating, or just feeding the soul. And many of those folks round those tables would argue that you can’t have Thanksgiving or Easter dinner without the Greens.
Guess that makes me pretty important, huh? 
I know at least 3 little veggie niblets who would agree.
Isn’t she fun? Go over and check her out already!! What are you waiting for?
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>Guest Post: Kmama Is In Da Howwwwwwwwse!!

>I am very honored to have one of my favorite bloggers and top commentors here with us today. She writes with humor about her family on the fabulous Daily Dribbles and today, she is here to share her top 10 tricks on “How to Appropriately Plan Out a Child’s Birthday Party”. 

Give a hearty welcome to Kmama.

I’m here to provide a much-needed Public Service Announcement today.  If you are a parent or ever plan to be a parent, please listen (read) carefully.
My oldest son, Buddy, is reaching the age where he’s starting to be invited to a lot of birthday parties.  This post could be about how annoying I find birthday parties for children, but I won’t go there.  What I want to share with you is more important that my dislike of birthday parties.
Time and again, as Buddy is invited to a birthday party, we go through the typical routine.  I first ask him who the kids is, and more importantly, if he plays with and likes the kid.  Then I check our calendar and go through the various steps to RSVP.  If everything goes smoothly, we purchase a gift in time for the party, Buddy attends said party (and hopefully has fun), and we leave.
It should be an easy process.  But it’s not.  Nothing ever goes smoothly when it comes to a child’s birthday party.  So, to help alleviate all the issues, let me offer my list of How to Appropriately Plan Out a Child’s Birthday Party.
1. Don’t invite children not related to your child (i.e. school and neighborhood friends).
2. If you’re down here at number 2, that means that you didn’t listen to number 1.  Go back to number 1, reread it, and follow the directions.  Proceed to number 3 only if you wish to make the “shit list” of the other mothers.
3. For the love of all that is holy, please put your name on the invite when asking people to RSVP to you.  There’s nothing more annoying than calling somewhere and asking “Can I please speak to, umm, [insert birthday child’s name here]’s mom?
4. On the same token, when asking someone to RSVP to your cell phone or email address, it’s probably best to have a G-rated voice mail message and email address.  BigTTs (at) emailserver (dot) com doesn’t exactly give a parent warm fuzzies.
5. Don’t invite children of which your child is not a friend.  For one, it puts the parent of the invitee in an awkward position.  Do you force your child to go?  Second, it can create a hostile situation at the party when kids, as we all know that they do, form cliques and someone is always left out.
6. Have someone taking names and phone numbers from the parents when the children are dropped off.  If we arrive and I see several other children already there and I offer my name and phone number before leaving and you search high and low for a piece of paper to write it on, well, I might just take my child home with me.
7. It’s bad etiquette to let your smoking friends be the greeters at your child’s birthday party.  Nothing says “child friendly” quite like a big cloud of smoke.
8. If a parent asks for suggestions for a present, please, please, please do not say “Oh.  Anything would be great.”  Really?  Because Jimmy wants a doll??
9. If you give a time frame for the party, try to stick to it.  Arriving to pick up a child and finding out that they have only just finished the games and they still have to eat, sing happy birthday, have cake, and open presents might make a parent hate you as they “stick around” waiting for all the festivities to end.
10. Karma is a bitch.  Don’t forget that when you’re buying the trinkets and  trash for the goody bags.  That includes whistles.  Whistles will  probably get your child blacklisted from every birthday party invite  list for the rest of their lives.