>Red Writing Hood: Unwanted

>”That’ll teach you to feed the chickens when I tell you to!” Kane hears as he goes flying into the firewood stacked against the house from the force of his father’s fist slamming into his chest. His father was coming towards him. He wanted to run but he couldn’t breathe. He was tired of the never ending fists, the expected beatings, and the drunken chaos that his life had become since his mother died two years ago. He was tired of feeling like an incompetent fool that couldn’t do anything right. His fists curled up in balls beside him as he struggled to regain his breath, watching his father come closer, his own fists extended and ready to fly.

“I ain’t no punchin’ bag!” He flew from the firewood stack, grabbing a piece of wood as he went. “I’m tired of you! I’m tired of your fists! I am NOT a punchin’ bag!”

WHACK. His father stopped.

“I ain’t no punchin’ bag!”

WHACK. A sound similar to rain hitting the house is heard and he pauses for half a second, seeing the blood, but not really seeing it.

“I ain’t no igit!”

WHACK! A soft thump is heard as a heavy body hits the ground. softened by the pool of blood that is quickly forming.

“You cain’t do this no more! Get up, Mr. Tough Guy. Let’s see ya hit me now!”

WHACK! WHACK!

“Nooooo! Stop! You gonna kill him!!! Stop Kane! Stop! Please stop!” Cat’s screaming caught up with Kane and he stopped just short of hitting her as she slid next to their father, and looked him over. “Why, Kane? Why?” She looked up at him for answers he couldn’t give. “Why?” Her tears spilled over her cheeks as she saw his mutilated face, and the log shaped dent on the side of his head. “Kane William Shaw! If he dies, I declare you dead to me. DEAD TO ME.” She picked up a piece of the splintered wood laying all around and threw it at Kane. “Poppa was right! You are evil! EVIL! How could you do this? How could you do this to your own daddy? Whhhhyyyyyyyyy?” She made a small whimper then laid her head down on her father’s chest.

Kane looked at what he had done, at his sister laying there at the side of their father, yet another person taking his father’s side. A growl erupted from his throat that shook Cat to the core, then he turned and ran into the hills behind the house.

I based today’s assignment on my character from last week’s story, as he made such a good villain before. Critique is welcome and wanted.

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12 thoughts on “>Red Writing Hood: Unwanted

  1. >Yup. In real life, it's hard to see a villain without some back story, without a reason for his/her behaviors. Kane captures this complex reality. Want to know more! Keep it up!

  2. >Kane is definitely a character worth exploring some more. While the father might be seen as evil from the get go, Kane has our hearts because he's been abused. And now the abuse has now triggered his own propensity for evil. i.e. We can like Kane and feel for him while being appalled at his behavior. That makes for a most interesting villain.

  3. >I just don't know which of those poop heads (heh) I should think is the bad guy. I tend towards the father…but then again…I want to do NaNoWriMo but just don't think I can do it…never enough time.

  4. >the beginning was a bit like a run on sentence to me. I felt a little breathless by the time I got to the end of the first paragraph ๐Ÿ™‚ Though considering how Kane felt…perhaps that was the point?You're doing NaNoWriMo? I'm going to attempt NaBloPoMo…perhaps I will kill 2 birds with one stone and post pieces of a novel ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. >I couldn't take any sides here… for a minute i thought the father was the bad guy which he is the beginning and then bham! the son turns out to be the bad guy… me likey

  6. >What confused me is the beginning thoughts he speaks so well, but when he's yelling at his father, he sounds like he's young and uneducated. It doesn't quite match up. His internal dialogue should make his spoken words.Of course I want to know what happens to Kane next!

  7. >No, I don't think so. I am using "weathered" from 2 prompts (the elevator one and the art gallery one). I *think* . Then again, I could use them both, and do a novel of stories instead of one long one…

  8. >Great job! I loved getting a little more background on Kane. I found him likable and understandable. I also kind of liked him last week, even though he was the villain. I think that speaks to your skill at character development, they're complex and multifaceted. Great job! I hope you continue this story sometime, even if it's not for NaNo.

Shoot the Poop with the Drama Mama!

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