>Way Back Wordful Wednesday: Handy Manny, Space Invader, and a Handjob

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Welcome to Way Back Wednesday with The Adventures of Goober Grape & Monkey Man, The Life of a Sippy Cup Mom!, The Scoop on Poop! and introducing our newest hostess The Nerdy Katie!

Next week’s topic is….your first car! Start thinking about those memories. We want to know all about your very first car!

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This week’s topic is first dates. You can choose to talk about your very first EVER date, or your first date with your Husband or S.O. Decisions! Decisions!

How do you decide what is your “first date”? Is it the one when you are 13 that brings the boy you went swimming with at your Grandpa’s to your house 45 minutes away for the day, and you realize he really isn’t that cute now that you can see him properly because you have your glasses on?
Or maybe it’s the one you had with your very first “real” boyfriend whom you met at the framing store you worked at when he came in to race stock cars in the backroom? Only you can’t for the life of you remember anything except a big bunny you named Melvin that was a Valentine’s Day present, your dad calling him a “piece of furniture” because he hung out so much, oh, and the heavy petting sessions in the basement (shhhhh!!). Hmmm…
How about a recap of how I met my baby daddy? I love telling that story because we almost never happened. Well, the date did, but you’ll see…
Knock! Knock!  A short, gentle rapping is heard from my apartment door. George Clooney is standing there, freshly shaven, in clean jeans and an unwrinkled polo, his half bald head gleaming in the sunlight. I let him know that I will be a couple more minutes and I send him away before my 4 yr old Jellybean sees him.

I do the finishing touches, stop to admire myself in the mirror for another moment before lightly spritzing my favorite perfume, Far Away by Avon, on my wrist, behind my ears, and in my cleavage. I take another moment to remind Jellybean to behave and give her kisses before I leave. I meet him outside, and we are on our way.

We decide to see the movie first and get dinner after the movie. I had been talking about M. Knight Shyamalan’s The Village all week, so that was what we were heading to see. I was excited. It had been 4 years since I had been wined and dined and enjoyed myself as a person instead of a mommy. I was all set for a nice evening with adult conversation, fine dining, and a great movie.
Large popcorn, extra extra butter, and a large soda, and we are ready to enjoy the movie. The lights begin to dim. I get comfortable in my seat. We laugh at the funny previews and jump at the scary ones. Finally, the theater darkens and the movie begins. 
About 2 minutes into the movie, I feel an arm snake across the back of my neck and a warm hand rest on my shoulder. His other hand reaches over and grabs a handful of popcorn, then rests calmly on my thigh. 
And doesn’t move. I feel the weight of his abdomen as it crushes up against my arm. And he doesn’t move. At all.
Ummm….dude? This is our first date? You already want to invade my space? 
I find an excuse to get up. I have a kid, it’s not hard. I gotta call my kid. Check on her, make sure she is okay, anything other then sit there with Handy Manny and his paws. That conversation was too short. Maybe he will keep his hands to himself after I go back in there.

“Everything okay?” George asks. I nod, settle back down into the seat, grab my popcorn, sip my soda and prepare to get lost in the movie again. By this time, Joaquin Phoenix is looking pretty suspicious, and I’m feeling a bit lost in translation.

About 5 minutes after I have gotten comfortable and start getting in to the movie, I feel an arm snake across the back of my neck and a warm hand rest on my shoulder. His other hand rests calmly on my thigh. I feel the weight of his abdomen as it crushes against my arm. Again? Dammit. I fidget around in the seat a little and he moves his offending appendages out of the way and back into his seat. 
The movie is intense. I’m really into it. Eventually Mr. Space Invader’s paws find their way on my thigh and shoulder again, and this time I’m too entranced to shake him off. I let it slide in hopes that they would not venture any further then where they already are.
Finally the movie comes to an end. I have finished the popcorn and toss the empty bucket at him so he releases me. He tries to hold my hand as we leave the theater but I managed to get my cellphone out and pretend to be talking to someone. We get in his car. I ask him about certain parts of the movie to keep the conversation going, and he heads for the restaurant.
Mexican? That’s real smooth dude. Like I want to be farting in your car alone with you on our first date! 
I’m not feeling this date anymore anyway. I feel that I should at least let the man eat, before I ended it. I was really trying to be nice and finish the date. 
I really was. 
I was unsuccessful though. His food comes, and I just can’t stomach watching him eat. The portions at this place are huge. The plate is colorful with its sour cream, guacamole, salsa, and a big old steak taking up the other half of the plate. It just didn’t sit well with me. I wanted to run screaming from the restaurant. 
You see, if I am completely honest, while this was by no means a mercy date, it was more on the lines of a “he’s so not my type, but dinner and a movie? What could that hurt” date. Add to that the handjob he gave me during the movie, and the colorful, very full plate of refried beans and rice….you’d want to run screaming out of there too.
What did I do? I faked a migraine of course, and him being the gentleman that he is, graciously offered to get his food to go and take me home. When we finally got back to my apartment, I thanked him for the movie, and swiftly exited the car. He waited til I went inside, and that was the last I saw of Handy Manny and his tools the beginning of the rest of my life.

Want to see more Wordless/Wordful Wednesday posts? Head on over to:

Don’t forget to link up your Wordless/Wordful Wednesday and Way Back Wednesday posts in the linky below. Happy Hump Day!!
T-minus 34 days til freedom!
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13 thoughts on “>Way Back Wordful Wednesday: Handy Manny, Space Invader, and a Handjob

  1. >And you are still together?? awesome!! Amazing!! are you crazy?? lol..I'm kidding! At least for you it started weird and ended good. For me…it started good…and ends with me wanted to smack him before bed each night 🙂 At least I love him.

  2. >I love the story of your first date. It made me laugh the first time and made me laugh again. 🙂 You two are a cute couple! I'm glad you stuck it out. Thanks so much for stopping by and linking up. Don't forget to come back tomorrow and see if you guessed correctly for the mystery photo. Have a great day.Kristi, Live and Love…Out Loud@TweetingMama

  3. >Man! I'm so glad when other people have stories like this. My husband and I had a TERRIBLE first date and somehow that led to the worst first kiss of all time. Good thing he was so persistant!

  4. >Oh wow, I like this post. Great idea, Now you see I'm a old lady that loves to reminisce,lolMy first date was probably a bowling one. In my day we love to bowl it was the in thing to do. I would say I was about 15. but the boys Name, well I would have to go back and read that Diary, if I could just find it!My WW link for you

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