The date is April 7, 2000. I am due at the hospital for my c-section at 3 pm. I am, of course, running late. I was anxiously expecting my “Kiara Lakota” or “Cheyenna Scout” (she was named neither, being christened in my drugged out state to the last name that had been discussed with my coach on the way to the hospital per the nurse stating that she so looked like herself) to arrive, especially since it was 7 days past her due date, but she was stubbornly facing the wrong direction, so the doctor scheduled the c-section after I denied the opportunity to try to have her turned.
I didn’t know it, but I was already equipped with that “mommy instinct”. As she was being born, they discovered she had the umbilical cord wrapped around her throat (this is probably why she was breech in the first place). I realized at that moment (well, when I came to, that is. The
whole birthing process drugs had me out for the count on the operation table), the importance of this thing called “Mom Instinct”, and was so very relieved that I possessed it.
This tiny (or not so tiny. She is my biggest baby, weighing 8 lbs. 7 ozs. and 20 1/4″ long) bundle that was brought to me held my whole life in her little fingers. Before she existed, I was headed down a long, going nowhere path. Realizing that I had this precious gift coming, I knew I had to change my life. I didn’t have the self-worth I needed to do it for myself, but she gave me a whole new reason to life. She enabled me to escape the prison I had built for myself, and the strength to conquer the world.
She has taught me patience. She has taught me sacrifice. She has taught me the meaning of love. Through her I have learned just how deep my love can go. I have learned exactly what I am made of, both the good parts and not so good parts. I have learned what a snotty kid I was, too. She is still teaching me. We are learning together what works and doesn’t work with her ADHD. We are learning to figure out her mood swings and how to deal with them, one swing at a time.
But most of all, she has made me a better person. She has helped mold me into the woman I am today. Who knew this tiny little bundle could do so much?