From the Archives: Tale of the Sucky Vampire

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I will admit that I am a nocturnal creature. There’s just something about the night that enthralls me. As I get older though, nocturnal habits are beginning to create problems of their own.

I used to have this thing for vampires. Creatures of the night like me, the whole forbidden desires aspect, and that they kicked butt just held mucho appeal for me. Well, that, and aside from the red eyes, they are hella sexy too. Especially the vampires of late.

Today though, I would make a horrible vampire. Seriously. I’m not afraid to tell you why.

Here’s why The Drama Mama would make a sucky vampire (pun intended):

• I would starve to death and my death would bring disgrace to vampires everywhere. And it’s not a squeamish to blood thing, either. Blood I can handle. My disabling aspect is that I am blind as Stevie Wonder at night. I can have a floor free of debris and a chartered course after I turn out the lights and STILL stumble over my no-longer-sleeping husband in the bed, 8 feet off the ground. This does not bode well for my nocturnal adventures to find fresh meat.
• I would bring all the vampire hunters straight to the lair because of my not-so-subtle stomping. Seriously have you ever known a quiet deaf person?
• My immortal years would end in early demise because if I didn’t starve to death, my old joints would never move fast enough to avoid getting caught. That’s if I could haul my fat butt fast enough to catch something in the first place.
• I would disgust myself. I’m an Italian food lover, and anyone who knows anything about Italian food knows its heavy laden in the garlic. I wouldn’t be able to come or to go. I wouldn’t be able to stand my own flesh. Yet I would still eat that spaghetti.

The only thing that would make me stand out as a vampire is my aversion to sunlight. Really. I burn, not tan. It’s not pretty. So, I tend to avoid sunlight as much as possible, even though I have been told I sparkle.

So, tell me, what would make you a great or horrific vampire?

This week, one of the prompts asked us to go back in our archives and repost something from July 2011. This was posted July 5, 2011. This is the best post I had last summer I think–well that, and some eye candy, but we’ll revisit that one soon.

BSOW: Bib Nazis, 2 Front Teeth, and Little Divas

This is it folks, the last Scoop of the Week of 2011. Of course I had to make it someone extra special. Someone I hope that y’all have met before in your blog travels because she is just that funny. She really is. She is one of my oldest fans, and I hers. She took a blogging hiatus for a little while, disappearing to my great disappointment, only to reappear on my twitter roll suddenly. We settled back in like old friends who never missed a beat, and when she finally had that baby, she picked back up with her blog and started right back up as if she’d never missed a day.

And I am SO glad she did. I can’t say enough about this lady. I swear that someday we will meet in real life.  We live close enough to each other to make it happen. (Yes, I’m totally stalking you!! Ha.) Okay, okay. I know. That was a little bit freaky. It’s true though. There are so many bloggers I want to meet, and she is at the top of the list.

Let me tell you why. She approaches life with a sense of humor that makes me jealous sometimes, despite that ugly thing called PPD, she finds a way to make it funny and not only get a good laugh herself, but give me one too. I have to admit that I have a preference for the Bib Nazi stories simply because they make my children eyeball me when I laugh out loud because of it.  She’s brought me to tears with her very real (and Blogmas worthy!!) post about motherhood. She’s got an unhealthy obsession with all things zombie (She would really love my NaNo story!) even though she’ll confess she can’t watch them at night (Seriously, can anyone?).

She stretches her neck out and admits that she hopes to be able to embarrass her kids someday the same way her father embarrassed her, and you will die laughing, I swear. She’s definitely not PC, but she doesn’t care either. She’ll fully admit to being a dork and even offers up a guide to test your own dorkiness against. She’ll also admit that she married a dork and in the next breath she’ll declare how much he gets her. She’s a powerful blend of humor and sensitivity with just the right amount of dorkiness wrapped in to draw you into her circle and make you fall in love.

Seriously, if you haven’t met the Queen of Awesome yet, you need to run right over and introduce yourself. Start your new year off with a new friend you’ll never forget. I promise you don’t want to miss this.

I am so proud and pleased to spend my last weekend of 2011 with none other than the Imperfect Momma of Really? I’m a Mom?

I asked her to tell me what she really wanted for Christmas…

All I wanted for Christmas was…

my two front teeth.

Yeah. I went there. If ya know me, you’d know….I had to go there.

Wow gurl….you know how to ask good questions!

Well, all I ever wanted was a beautiful family. And I wanted to be a doctor and an actress (which I could’ve been…just ask my mom). But I really wanted a family. A boy, a girl, a great husband and a job that people would adore me…I mean need me. Ask me for help all the time cause I was the only person that could help them. (Yeah I know what you are thinking…thats a job of a mom! But you see, I was an idiot as a…shoo…up until I got married. I was an ignorant knucklehead)

But now that I have that family? I just want some peace and quiet. Funny thing is though…when I get that peace and quiet? I miss the noise. How does that work? How do these kids do that to you?

Wait…hold on….I got my little Diva screaming for attention. Sigh. They cant just give me 5 mins can they? But you know what? I would not trade that for the world.

I told you she was awesome.

Have a wonderful New Year, and please keep it safe. Don’t drink and drive or ride with anyone who has been drinking.

One of these days I’ll get around to writing a “Best of 2011″ post. Maybe. Thank you for a great year. I’m looking forward to another one.